


IDK You Yet

by ineffable_grimm_pitch



Series: Carry On individual works [7]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Other, Sad, Songfic, There’s not really a happy ending, but not that sweet, but there’s also not really a plot, i don’t like reading angst, i just heard this song I knew I had to write a songfic, im sorry, short and sweet, this was hard for me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:14:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24817414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ineffable_grimm_pitch/pseuds/ineffable_grimm_pitch
Summary: How can you miss someone you’ve never met? ‘Cause I need you now, but I don’t know you yet.
Series: Carry On individual works [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1615813
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	IDK You Yet

**Author's Note:**

> Ahh I don’t usually write angst! Bc I don’t read angst! I like happy stories! But I heard this song and I knew I had to write this. Anyway, enjoy!

**SIMON**

_ How can you miss someone you’ve never met? ‘Cause I need you now but I don’t know you yet. _

I don’t know what I’m feeling. I don’t really know how I’m supposed to feel in this situation. I’ve never really been in it before. 

Penny thought this would be good for me, to see my mum. She’s found an old picture of her mum with her old friend Lucy. My mum.

My mum’s name is Lucy. She says she doesn’t know what she got up to after they lost touch, but I think I can guess what happened to her.

I didn’t even doubt for a second that she was my mother, especially when I saw this picture of her. We have the same hair, the same blue eyes. Ordinary blue, boring blue, Baz would call it. 

She’s beautiful. I know she loved me. I can feel it. 

_ But can you find me soon because I’m in my head? Yeah, I need you now but I don’t know you yet. _

I can imagine the life I could’ve had, if she raised me. Maybe I wouldn’t be the Chosen One. It would’ve been simpler. Easier. 

I would’ve just been a normal kid. A normal kid, but with magic, I mean. Reading books together, or whatever it is that normal families do. I’m not quite sure. Maybe some people would call that sad. I call it life. 

I still don’t really know what happened to her. But this feels familiar. I know she’s been with me, even if I can’t see her. I wonder if she tried to Visit me. 

_ ‘Cause lately it’s been hard, they’re selling me for parts, I don’t wanna be modern art. _

Maybe if I grew up with her I could’ve avoided the Mage’s missions altogether. I wouldn’t have had to be his soldier boy. 

She would have protected me. I know she would’ve. I wouldn’t have to fight. 

Maybe it’d just be me and her, and we’d be like best friends. I could’ve helped her cook dinner, and I’d tell her about the girls I fancied. Or boys, I suppose. Maybe I would’ve realized sooner that I fancy boys. I think she’d be okay with that. I think she’d be okay with anything about me. I wish I could’ve had her.

_ But I only got half a heart to give to you. _

**LUCY**

_ How can you miss someone you’ve never seen? Oh, tell me, are your eyes brown, blue, or green? _

Simon, my rosebud boy. I love you more than you’ll ever know. Is it selfish of me to hope you look like me? Oh, I know Davy only wanted what was best for you, I’m sure of it, but I wish you could’ve been mine. Just a little longer. 

No, no, you’ve always been my boy. My rosebud boy, I wish I could have been there for you, my perfect angel, my little boy. 

But Davy. Davy ruined you. I know he did. I wanted better for you than he could give. I should have saved you. I should have...done something. 

I’m not sure what I should’ve done, but for your sake, my boy, I should have tried harder. 

_ And do you like it with sugar and cream? Or do you take it straight, oh, just like me? _

I wish I could have been there. I would have saved you, a little bit every day. I would have known everything there was to know about you. 

I saw you once. I wasn’t strong enough to come through all the way, but I’m sure you saw me. I’m sure of it. I wasn’t there when you were growing up. I’m so, so sorry. I wanted to be there. Simon, my rosebud boy, I never would have left you, if I had the choice. 

_ Yeah, lately it’s been hard, they’re selling me for parts, and I don’t wanna be modern art _ .

I should have seen. I should have known, we were both just pawns in his game. I don’t think...no. I  _ do  _ think he loved us both the best he could. 

I just don’t think it was enough.

My mother always told me that I was trying to see good in him that wasn’t there. But I believe it was there. The intentions, at least. If nothing else, his intentions were good. I just wish he would have tried harder for you, Simon. 

And, of course, my rosebud boy, I loved you the best I could, too. You were the light of my dark, dismal life. And that was too much pressure to put on you. You should have just been Simon. Simon Snow.

I’m still fond of that middle name. I think it suits you in some funny, ironic way. My sunshine, golden boy. 

_ But I only got half a heart to give to you. _

_ And I hope it’s enough. _

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos make for a happy writer! 
> 
> Find me on tumblr: @ineffable-grimm-pitch
> 
> Check out my other Carry On works in the series below (shameless self promo)


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